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Ask a Therapist: Column #1

Q: I hear people use the term “self-care” all the time, but what does it really mean? 

A: When we are practicing self-care we are engaging or disengaging in ways that are truly restorative to mind, body, and spirit. Often people confuse self-comfort (sometimes called self-soothing) with self-care and wonder why they are not refreshed after an evening spent binge-watching Netflix.

The true test of whether something is contributing to your self-care is the outcome: does this activity (or lack of activity) provide genuine rejuvenation? How do you feel during and after the activity? Self-care will lower stress levels and give back energy, focus, productivity, and emotional reserves. Many self-comfort activities may not exacerbate stress, but they act more as numbing agents than genuinely restful activities. They may be a type of blissful avoidance, but they will keep you feeling stuck or depleted if what you really need is self-care. In that sense, self-comfort is not a worthy substitute despite the fact that many people confuse these distinctions by using the terms interchangeably.

Foundational self-care revolves around eating nutritionally healthy food, getting adequate sleep, and moving your body. Neglect in these areas will certainly undermine your wellness, but self-care involves more than just meeting those basic needs. Common self-care practices include time in nature, prayer, meditation, journalling, meaningful connection with others, and/or artistic or creative pursuits. Therapy is often an integral part of a self-care regimen because it allows space for supported emotional processing and for thoughtful reflection. Psychotherapy nurtures healthy neurochemical connections in the brain and can alleviate the effects of stress and trauma. Therapy can help individuals establish and meet goals for improving the quality of their lives; often, therapeutic and interpersonal goals are dependent on an effective and intentional self-care plan.

While there is absolutely a place for self-comfort, – who doesn’t need a few episodes of Gilmore Girls and some Häagen-Dazs once in a while? – it is self-care that is essential to holistic wellbeing. Practicing authentic self-care is one of the best protective and restorative factors in overall health.

For more information on Sarah’s services as a Registered Psychotherapist or to send YOUR question for consideration in the next column, email sarahjoycovey@gmail.com.  

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