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Ask a Therapist: Column #5 On Back-to-School

Q:  I’m starting to get anxious about the back-to-school changes for my family.  How can I simplify my planning and preparation to reduce the stress that we feel? 

A:  With back-to-school less than two weeks away, it’s not surprising that it is occupying your thoughts!  Most families experience a sort of bittersweet reality when the longer, less-structured summer days begin to give way to the fall weather and school routines.  As with most seasons of life that come to a close, the back-to-school start up is greeted with mixed feelings.  Some kids are excited to return to their friends with a freshly sharpened set of pencil crayons in hand.  Others may feel nervous about the social atmosphere of school and want to stay curled up in their rooms with Harry Potter instead.  Still others may be starting at a new school and they don’t know what to expect or how they are to navigate an unfamiliar building. Some parents can’t wait for their kids to have structured days and be out of the house again while others are sad to see them go and wish summer didn’t have to end. Whatever you and your family members may be feeling, there are a few things to consider that may help facilitate the transition and give you all greater peace of mind.

Normalize the stress. Any type of transition holds a certain amount of stress that can’t be avoided.  Part of moving from what is comfortable and familiar into the unknown is to feel somewhat apprehensive and worried but it’s important not to let those concerns dominate your head space.  As a proactive measure against the natural stress of this changing season, consider increasing your self-care over the next few weeks to allow for some decompression.  Maybe book a massage, increase your time in nature or on the yoga mat, plan a tea break with a friend to chat back and forth and encourage one another in your concerns, or set up a session with a counsellor to process your thoughts and feelings. Take whatever steps you need to release that stress on a daily basis so it doesn’t build up to an unmanageable point. And don’t forget past successes! Even though stress can increase as a result of the new school year approaching, remind yourself that you have navigated transitions before and have survived!  You are resilient and so are your kids!

Anticipate the best. Most anxiety is future-oriented; that is, we worry about something in the future that has not yet happened based on a “what if” scenario.  For example, what if my daughter’s best friend is not in her class this year?  What if my son doesn’t like his teacher? What if the kids can’t get back to a regular sleeping schedule?  What if I buy back-to-school clothes and then they don’t fit in October because of a growth spurt? What if she still can’t do long division? You get the idea. This anticipatory anxiety is often rooted in catastrophic thinking where we assume the worst case scenario instead of the best case scenario.  The truth is, we really don’t know how it will work out for our kids at school this year but, in the absence of concrete evidence to the contrary, we can choose to anticipate the best instead of fearing the worst.  Why not reframe those “what ifs” to paint a more positive picture of what is equally possible?  If we can harness the excitement of anticipating the best, we will reduce that unnecessary worry and set ourselves up to welcome (not dread) this next phase in family life.  You never know, this may be the year of the best teacher, indoor shoes that fit for 10 whole months, and long division mastery!

Simplify the routine.  Start with the basics – sleeping, eating, and exercise – and begin to move towards a routine that will work for the transition to school.  Bedtimes tend to be less predictable and structured in the summer so if you are able to gradually work back into a sleep schedule that will compliment the school routine over the next couple of weeks, you may all find that the early morning is less of a shock to your system. Getting adequate sleep for all members of the family is an essential element in stress reduction and overall resilience throughout the transition.  Think ahead about the nutrition that you want to have available for your kids that works well for school lunches and stock up so you don’t have that last minute shopping stress!  Get into the habit of prepping food on the weekends for the week so that healthy snacks are readily available. Make time to move your bodies every day and think about how some time outdoors can be a part of your routine, even after school starts up again. If you look after those basics, you’ll build a solid foundation for a healthy transition.

Take it as it comes.  No matter how much we plan or prepare, we will still have to take things one step at a time. Inevitably, something will be forgotten in the back-to-school shopping but, thankfully, you can still find scientific calculators and white-out in September. Consider an after school point of connection – maybe at snack time or dinner – where you can check in with your kids about their highs and lows or their laughter and learning so that you can have a pulse on how things are going as you all get used to the new routine.  With ongoing communication and feedback we can respond and adjust along the way to refine the routine to suit our family’s needs as they emerge.  In general, we can minimize anxiety by consciously and intentionally living in the present moment and not getting ahead of ourselves. Try to balance that planning with proactive and positive thinking and enjoy each day as it unfolds!  Summer isn’t over yet!

To submit YOUR question for consideration in a future column, or for more information about psychotherapy services that could help with stress management or transitions (for teens or parents), email sarahjoycovey@gmail.com.  

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