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I cried last night. (Actually, this entry was composed a couple of weeks ago now but you get the idea.)

 

Yes, that’s right.  For those of you who know me, this is a rare occasion.  I’d like to say it was because of some precious moment with my children or some alarmingly tragic event but, alas, it was not.

 

It was more about coming to terms with truth.  While sitting at my dining room table, the window reflected back a reality that brought me to tears. I walked upstairs and weighed myself after this visual revelation and discovered the naked (sorry for the visual) truth: 207 pounds.

 

Not okay.

 

It seems so trite to say that I am that shallow but perhaps I am.  I am in mourning for a lost person – the one hiding under the extra 52 pounds.   I don’t look like myself anymore and I know why:  I have neglected and indulged in indecent proportions and I am reaping what I have sown.  Perhaps it is tragic, after all.

 

The last time I cried was when my 9-year-old daughter, Gwyneth, crossed the finish line for her 5K run in the top thirty of her 1000 girl heat.  I was overwhelmed with pride.  Now, I am overwhelmed with shame.  I couldn’t have run that distance with her and I want to be able to next year at this time.

 

 

In the past, I have found that truth is like that: a bit of a slap in the face.  It’s a wake up call to reality and you can’t pretend it away. That number is the truth and it is staring me in the face:  207.

 

And, as if the reflection and the scale were not enough, the facts were made abundantly clear when I started my afternoon shopping for clothes.  Ugh.  I hate shopping, even at the best of times (and sizes).  I’d rather live inside my head – in thoughts, and music and creative ideas – but, alas, God saw fit for me to live in this body and it must be clothed.

 

Brace yourselves: I specifically went to shop for active wear and bathing suits!  Talk about an exercise in discouragement.  I mean, couldn’t I just have another baby?  That seems far less painful! (Just kidding kids, it is far more painful, don’t be fooled.)

 

However, this issue isn’t about baby fat, though I would like to justify my overeating and blame my four little monkeys for it.  It isn’t about stress, though 10 months of full-time teaching, taking care of 4 kids and a complete home renovation is enough to put anyone over the edge. It isn’t about other health concerns, either.  All my excuses and justifications don’t amount to anything substantial other than a higher dress size.

 

Simply put, it is about disobedience:  I know what I ought to do but I do not do it.

 

There is no magic formula to weight loss or health, despite millions of articles and books and programs that want you to believe otherwise.  This is all there is to it:  eat less, move more.  The trick is to actually eat less and move more.  That is what I must do.

 

Here’s the bottom line:  I have a self-discipline problem.  I do need to figure out how to live in this body after all.  And I need to do it in a way that honours God to maintain any spiritual integrity.

 

So, I am giving myself a specific goal:  52 pounds in 52 weeks.  And you, my dear readers (Jason, Loreli, Mom), are going to keep me accountable.

 

This is the long view.  The next year is about getting my body back.  With no additional parties destined to inhabit it ever again, it is time to feel okay in my own skin.

 

Taking a new step, uttering a new word is what people fear the most.

~ Fyodor Dostoyevski ~

I am treating July 1^st as the start of my New Year.

As a teacher, this seems like the perfect time to actually pause and reflect on the blessings of the year and to ponder what needs to change. The rest of the year is too crazy-paced for such musings (perhaps I should resolve to slow down)!

So, I am making resolutions.  The first one is to blog (check).  The second is to address the self-discipline thing that seems to be plaguing my life, specifically in the areas of physical and financial health.  And maybe flossing.  I’ll keep you posted.

As a measure of financial integrity, I am trying to get my spending under control this summer.

Most of my money is spent without thinking which, of course, is a significant problem.

I have come to see my spending as a series of trade offs:  where can I save so that I can have money to spend on the things that really matter?  An example of this would be my recent conversion to the cult of price matchers.  I now see that it is worth checking for the best price in flyers (though it is time consuming and it does require organization and shopping without kids) because the money I save buys me a babysitter for date night!

A few of my colleagues (and friends) were excited about the challenge of a “summer of freedom” and we were (and are) sharing ideas about how to enjoy life on a very tight budget.

I guess we are all out to prove that the best things in life are, in fact, free.

This is my mission, should I choose to accept it:  find a way to have a fantastic quality of life for myself and my family without the hefty price tag.

I started this list in an attempt to respond to the question: what can I do without spending money or how can I do this without spending money?

The list is in no particular order and my compulsion to organize wants me to categorize everything for easy access but that will have to be a project for another day.

Here is my “freedom list” so far.

1. Start your own blog 😉
2. Visit www.freestuffcanadaguide.ca  for all kinds of free deals!
3. Scavenge at “large item pick up” times.
4. Watch TV online.  Visit www.jellytelly.com for excellent  (and free) kids programming or check your local networks for your favourite shows.
5. Download free music, books, and podcasts for      entertainment.
6. Organize a walking or book club.
7. Backyard water play:  kiddie pool with tub toys, water      balloons, bubbles, sprinkler and the like.
8. Learn origami or fold paper airplanes using YouTube      videos.
9. Start a journal.
10. Prepare for holidays (Christmas letter, organize wrapping, make lists etc.) in advance.
11. Write some letters or emails or do some creative writing.
12. Go coupon scavenging.
13. Attend a free community class.
14. Attend a church service or gathering.
15. Try yoga, or Pilates, or Zumba  – borrow a DVD from a friend or attend a free community class.
16. Exchange massages with your partner or foot rubs with your kids.
17. Take a long bath.
18. Volunteer somewhere in your neighbourhood.
19. Build a cardboard castle from an old box.
20. Star (or moon) gaze.
21. Borrow books from the library or audio books from www.booksshouldbefree.com
22. Go for a drive with a travel mug of coffee or tea from home.
23. Listen to CDs that you haven’t heard in a while  – make mixed CDs for various artists, moods and occasions from your existing collection.
24. Take in free local programming – like story times (Thursdays at 10:00 at Elmvale Public Library), movies (2:30 Tuesdays at Elmvale Public Library) or reading/craft programs (Lego mania Thursdays at 10:00 Elmvale Public Library).
25. Have a movie marathon at home.  Invite some friends and potluck the junk food.  (This year:  the “Earnest” movies, Muppets and Mr. Bean are on the roster for a rainy day.)
26. Pack some food and some toys and some sunscreen      and head to the beach.
27. Keep a Rubbermaid bin in your vehicle with a ball, a Frisbee, and a few other items that could make stopping at a park for a play a simple thing.
28. Free Samples?  Visit www.canadiancoupons.net/category/freebies/free-samples/?r=2ghot
29. Colour, draw, paint or “craft” with supplies you already have.
30. Revamp beaded jewellery by repurposing the beads into new items.
31. If you have a Kindle or a Kobo reader, download      some of the classics for free!
32. Bake.
33. Surf YouTube for interesting videos or new music.
34. Look for free iPhone apps  www.apple.com/ca/iphone/from-the-app-store/
35. Have  a home spa day.
36. Organize a “Santa Swap” – Several parents gather with their gently used items, for each item donated they get a token or a button to trade in for another item that would work for under the tree!
37. Clean your vehicle.
38. Take in free fireworks, music and art festivals.
39. Swim at a neighbour’s pool.
40. Plant a veggie garden and share/swap seeds with a neighbour.
41. Have a bonfire in the backyard.
42. Print colouring, craft and activity sheets from the internet for the kids. www.crayola.com/free-coloring-pages is only one of MANY sites that have great stuff for kids!
43. If you are into paper crafting this website has some fabulous freebies and ideas: www.ellinee.com/blog/fabulous-freebies/
44. Invite visitors for coffee and dessert or a potluck dinner party or BBQ.
45. Review books and get them for free at www.booksneeze.com
46. Host a garage sale and put that “found” money      towards an outing.
47. Shop with gift cards (as long as you did not purchase them!)
48. Visit  www.freecycle.org/group/CA for practical or fun stuff or to get rid of some clutter.
49. Go out to eat on a “kids eat free” night.  Check out www.freestuffcanadaguide.ca/kids-eat-free-days-list-of-canadian  for options and links.
50. Do your school supply shopping from home first as a scavenger hunt.  Make a list and see what items can be complied without spending a cent.
51. Play board or card games.
52. Host birthday/theme parties with items that you      already have in your house.  One example we have used is a Puppy Party – collect all books, stuffed animals, etc. with that theme to decorate. Have kids draw posters with puppies, create your own scavenger hunt with hand drawn paw print clues, draw paw prints on the cupcakes in multicoloured icing, print puppy pages      from the internet for a home made take home colouring book, watch Blue’s  Clues, Beethoven, or any number of dog-themed movies etc.
53. Make homemade gifts, cards or “acts of service”      coupons.  Even re-gift gently used      or new items to willing recipients. (Consider a re-gift birthday party.)
54. Send kids for sleepovers with grandparents!
55. Gardening: many seeds and plants can be sprouted from a neighbour’s bounty without spending a cent.       Rearranging and transplanting (and, of course, weeding) are also free.
56. Home organization, purging and cleaning are time consuming but very low cost with lovely results. My mottos: If you don’t know that it is useful or believe that it is beautiful – let it go! and Everything has a place and everything in its place.
57. Be active: hike, walk, bicycle, swim, play soccer etc.  – very little apparatus needed (could also be borrowed, if not already owned).
58. Explore nature in your area:  lots of parks, trails, forests etc. do not require a parking pass to visit.       www.ontarioparks.com/english/index.html
59. Do a clothing/accessory swap with friends.
60. Breathe deeply.

Please be sure to add your best ideas in the comments section and we’ll keep the list going!